This is more-or-less the same as my FetLife profile here to link to people who don’t have a FetLife account themselves. See also my rope ad.
I’m an autistic trans bi lesbian commie rigger/self tier, a domme, and a sadist - with switch tendencies and AuDHD. Demi everything, 90% a stone (in the “uninterested in anyone getting me off and I often forget to take off my clothes” sense), non-monogamous and not particularly romantic in the “candlelit diner” sense (candles are for other things). I go by xie/xer pronouns, allowing she/her as a fallback when I can’t use those.
I’m here mostly to read and look up rope events, but feel free to reach out, especially if you know me from elsewhere.
Feel free to check my rope ad on Bondage Partners Nederland - but as of 28/11/2023, I’m unlikely to take on new partners for a while. I’m also much less likely to take on anyone who is under 30, is a man (trans or cis doesn’t matter) or describes themselves as “heteroflexible” or “questioning” - but shoot your shot, as long as you’re respectful I won’t hate you for it.
I keep FL “friends” to people I met and like, and I don’t want to have a large follower base. If I see a new follow I don’t recognize, I’ll probably remove it. Don’t take it hard, and it’s not like I’m super active anyway, so you ain’t missing out on much. But a small following lets me strike a balance between disabling the followers entirely (and probably forcing me to add more friends) and just losing control over my visibility. So it’s not about you, it’s about me: I don’t think you’re cool enough XP.
If I don’t accept a friend request, it doesn’t mean I actually dislike you - I probably just don’t feel like I got enough of your vibe. But don’t hesitate - you can always try again later, and sometimes I will accept after talking to you for 15 minutes at an event. It’s a vibes thing.
I like a combo of RACK with a dash of CCCC (Caring, Communication, Consent, and Caution), and get prickly (hehe) at PRICK and SSC. I believe that, while “enthusiastic consent” can be used to incorporate most of the consent I’d accept, this requires some clever thinking to avoid ending up being patronizing and denying people agency - thus I often call my approach to consent “embodied.” Feel free to ask, because honestly, writing on that idea seems lacking, and I’ve only encountered it during live meeting of kinksters - but the basic idea is “I’m not really into the thing that will happen, but I do want it to happen and I do want the end result.” See also this podcast.
Concepts of consent and respect for agency are very important to me, and extend far beyond my practice of kink and sexuality.
If you want to stalk me, go on cohost. Or insta. Or bluesky. Or whatever, go stalk me on LinkedIn ;-)
Practice partners for jams, workshop and practice first. I can host and I’m eager for queer rope themed events.
I have a D/s dynamic, and I’m not looking for a second one (occasional desire for a main notwithstanding), but if the mood strikes, I might be open for a dynamic of some sort.
No fascists please, and to give some examples: no TERFs, SWERFs, landlords, cops or active military. Thanks.
The slight generalization of the above is that I expect you to have at least some care for people who aren’t in your closest social circle. If you don’t, conversation with me will be quite aggravating to both of us. The rule of thumb is, even if you personally might not give a thought to, say, folks starving in a place far away, it shouldn’t be inconceivable for you that someone else might.
Next hard limit, please be 30+ and non-monogamous. While I’m not actively looking for sex or romance, I’d rather avoid certain weird vibes.
I’m very openly a trans person, a poly person, and a kinky person. There’s some flexibility to it, but ultimately I just don’t want to bother with the complexities of masking those things. This means if we’re regular play partners, there’s a noticeable risk it will out you. There’s some compromise - it’s about not hiding myself, not about broadcasting myself. But if you want absolute confidence nobody will ever notice, I’m not your girl.
I like playful, bratty and/or switchy submissives, the sort that will approach a dominant first, and won’t be too freaked out when I ask them to cuddle me for a change, or when I tie them to myself.
I feel better around “some sort of trans” type of folks, and I usually find some degree of femme vibes present in people I’m attracted, but it ain’t anything as simplistic as “no beard” or “uses she/her pronouns,” nor does it seem to be a strict requirement tho - but on the other hand, if you’re cis and I’m into you… you might not be.
While body shape and mental health aren’t limits to me, remember I’m a newbie, and my ability to accommodate your particular needs might be limited. Do your due diligence, please 😌.
Finally, if you’re more experienced that’s good. If you’re a switch, that’s also good - so am I, and more ways to learn, too!
Rope. I love rope. I self tie. I tie others. I’ve been tied up a bit, and would love to be tied more. Rope is good rope is great. I like sadistic, torturous, improvised and connective bondage, and I don’t care much for perfectly shot photos. I do like a good aesthetic, but a good aesthetic is, to me, raw, and expresses emotion of a tie.
I like doing objectification, but not really degradation - I might tease that a bit, but in significant amounts it’s a turn off. Think cherished toy or beloved pet, rather than worthless cumrag. On top of that, much of hard degradation/shame play just doesn’t work on me - being covered in cum sounds nice, nudity is a normal thing, I don’t get what’s wrong with being a cumrag to be honest 🤷🏻♀️.
Little play is a hard no but middle vibes are okay, as long as we establish certain boundaries - no calling me mom or any other patronymics, likely no middle vibes in sexual play, but “governess/princess ward” or “mistress/apprentice” vibes can work out quite well. I do like a bit of mischief or brattiness.
While not romantic in the allistic sense, I enjoy intimacy and fairly frequent contact. This isn’t as important for purely “practice” activities, but if you want to ever see my sadistic side come out, meeting once every three weeks without talking in between will definitely not be enough. I might still agree to do a jam, though.
I got into wax play, and while not an expert, I can make my own pitcher candle and use it. It’s reserved for established play partners, but mostly due to logistics - wax is kink glitter, gets everywhere, is a mess to clean up, I love it, but I have a sufficient amount of wax stains on my floor as it is, thank you very much, so I need time to set up a relatively splatter-safe space for this.
I bite.
I know I know. But I mean it. I bite hard enough to leave solid bruises and make people tap out.
Hard enough to put it in the edge play territory, so it’s intimate to me, and requires some specific boundary talk - both about the emotional side and practical. Are you really sure you want to show up to a job interview with a bruise with teeth marks on your face?
I have interest in CNC play, but due to my own mental stuff, I have to play with that quite carefully. I need a specific vibe, confidence in the aftercare that I’ll get for the days after it, and would never promise it to anyone before I know them well enough to have played with them before.
I do enjoy impact, but I have some personal triggers about hitting people that I’m still working through - so I’m very unlikely to punch anyone in the face ever, and impact overall is quite new to me.
There’s a hard limit on little play, ABDL, scat, hard degradation, hook suspension, drugs and alcohol use. I will not do any of these, as they all walk into my triggers.
Softer limits - but still one that will involve a significant amount of negotiation, and probably logistics:
Other body secretions.
Lots of logistics, and not really my thing, but with a good enough vibe I might be willing to test it out.
Bullwhips. loud loud loud 🥲
Penile penetration.
I have a dick and intend to keep it. It was never big, hormones shrunk it, it acts like a shy clitoris, and I wasn’t much for penetrative sex anyway. On top of that I’m a bit of a stone and just forget to take off my own clothes like 80% of the time.
Finally, yes, I’m a tall trans woman in my 40s. I’m not a milf, mom, or whatever. Approaching me with a very strict idea of what your relationship (in the general sense) should be will likely make me extra careful. And I have little interest in proving how far I can go on first encounter. Outside of play, I’m liable to completely melt the moment ambient temperature exceeds 21°C, and I will eat from your hand when offered.
This is going to be a longer version of the intro, so “born in 1981, Polish, speaks Polish, English, and learning Dutch, sadomasochistic domme with switch vibes, kinda stone.”
I’m femme, but not entirely - I don’t often bother with make up, my collection of heels is too small, I wear carabiners on my bags, and I intend to get strong enough to carry girltwinks around like sack of potatoes. I don’t like 100% “perfect” replicas of an archetype, I like to have fun with those.
I’m a pretty decent sadist, and while my technical rope skills are limited, I do believe I can make for a good scene once I get a right connection. I see many of the rope skills as building blocks and concepts to be understood, rather than specific recipes, which can result in me doing “more with less.”
I’m also decent at self bondage, have decent confidence in my floor play skills, and currently hunting any opportunity to learn suspension skills I can - though opportunities to do that in person are either expensive or infrequent, so it’s going to be a while before I do full suspensions and proper (according to my own standards I set for myself) box ties.
I’m playful and creative as a sadist, happy to look at what makes you tick, introspective and curious. If I like playing with you, I will look at things I haven’t considered before, if I think they might lead us towards something fulfilling.
I’m self-critical and cautious - even though sometimes those cross into anxiety. I spend time thinking about my attitudes to consent, the way I treat people, and trying to avoid being overly self-serving - while still maintaining a pleasing amount of selfishness 😊.
Oh, and I can cook. Maybe not great but I can feed a person and they’re usually happy with it.
I have AuDHD (Autism and ADHD). That means I can be scatterbrained, and without a stim it’s easy for my focus to drift. I control it the best I can, but sometimes I’ll fade out. For some people that’s a - very understandable - trigger. It also means I kinda suck at many day to day things. My place is clean-ish, but not as clean as you might expect from me. My finances are always just barely on the right side of survivable. I generally find it much easier to care for others than myself - but this can sometimes reflect on others anyway.
I also have pretty nasty social anxiety. I’m unlikely to go to large, loud events (I’d love to! But I’d have to feel really secure to do that), and once in a while I’ll go into a nasty anxiety spiral. I’ve lived with those for decades, I have coping strategies, and I’m frank, open, and willing to accept help - but it can be a bit much.
I had a long period of being a hermit in my life. As a result, I’m actually less experienced in many things than you’d generally expect a woman my age to be.
I suck at penetrative sex. I mean, I guess you could be worse, but I’m not good at it, and I never had enough interest to get better.
I’d generally start as practice partners for rope, and see where we go from there. I’m fascinated with ipponawa and semenawa specifically, but I just really like ropes and how they feels. And, for the two things I mentioned - to me both are more about headspace and the relationship than “tying a thing that labeled as a semenawa tie.” With the right person just pulling them on their toes or forcing them into a very close position can be semenawa enough.